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The Ethics of Longing

by John Banrock

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1.
I hate the world ’cause the world hates me... Nighttimes in the summer used to be money in the bank But the horse I’m riding this year is feelin’ pretty rank Barely got a dollar to shove into my jeans And the only thing I’m saving is last night’ pork ‘n beans Prayin’ for the sunshine but I'm bracing for the clouds Fearin’ to be lonely but I hate the crowds I could be a big shot if I get my lucky break But if history is a road map I’ll never find that interstate I hate the world ’cause the world hates me Dug a hole, tried to bury me I hate the world ’cause the world hates me I sure could use some lovin’,… to fade them blues away Growin’ up was different, well maybe not at all Always felt the devil was out to break my balls So I carried out some whoop-ass and I finally felt alive ‘till they sent me up the river for a double stretch of fives I hate the world ’cause the world hates me Dug a hole, tried to bury me I hate the world ’cause the world hates me I sure could use some lovin’,… to fade them blues away Despite the streak of darkness I think my time has come For platinum covered rainbows and long days in the sun Think I’ll pour a drink now and toast those days ahead And finally toss the notion that I’m better being dead I can see the riches, the cocktails on the beach I see it as repayment for years of stubborn grief But no sooner do I see those dreams I see them wash away I see the sheriff; sum bitch is walkin’ my way I hate the world ’cause the world hates me Dug a hole, tried to bury me I hate the world ’cause the world hates me I sure could use some lovin’ I sure could use some lovin’ I sure could use some lovin’,… to fade them blues away Words & Music by John Banrock Copyright © 2020 Banrock Music All Rights Reserved
2.
3.
Amy 03:12
Does anyone know what’s torturing Amy? Does anyone care what’s torturing Amy? All 24 she’s narrow and grim Stepping with fear, but dying with purpose Silently rejecting chaotic surroundings The graveyard shouts her name Does anyone know what’s torturing Amy? Does anyone care what’s torturing Amy? Dominic drove her out of the rain With buckets full of fractured remainders He wonders when she’ll start finding answers The ethics of longing Does anyone know what’s torturing Amy? Does anyone care what’s torturing Amy? She was last seen dancing with spirits Trembling slowly and vibrating her hips Into the fires her mind’s like a circus Is sanity worth saving when it’s never home? Does anyone know what’s torturing Amy? Does anyone care what’s torturing Amy? Don’t look now The serpent evolves Save your prayers She’ll never take your hand Does anyone know what’s torturing Amy? Does anyone care what’s torturing Amy? Does anyone know what’s torturing Amy? Words & Music by John Banrock Copyright © 2020 Banrock Music All Rights Reserved
4.
Baby J 02:12
5.
Nobody told me you were a loser I had to find out for myself I’m going to haunt you from Hades Simply because you’re an asshole Simply because I call you asshole Nobody told me I’d love you I had to find out for myself I’m going to haunt you from Hades Simply because you’re an asshole Simply because I call you asshole And I tried and I tried And I tried and I tried But you’re an asshole I still call you asshole Nobody told me I’d hate you I had to find out for myself I’m going to haunt you from Hades Simply because you’re an asshole Simply because I call you asshole And I tried and I tried And I tried and I tried But you’re an asshole I still call you asshole Nobody said shit about you I had to find out for myself Words & Music by John Banrock Copyright © 2022 Banrock Music All Rights Reserved
6.
I Fly Away 04:57
I’m standing on the spot where your tears fell to the ground comprehension never comes and memories never fade the echo of your cry still rattles in my head innocence will never make us bullet proof So I fly away I fly away I fly away the story of the times a dissertation on fear but acceptance is surrender to those who feed on hate I still feel the pain pulsing through your side and the blood that stained my hands tattoos me as helpless so I fly away…/ 'cause I’m so helpless ‘cause I’m so helpless… / I fly away I fly away…/ 'cause I’m so helpless ‘cause I’m so helpless… / I fly away I fly away Words & Music by John Banrock Copyright © 2015 Banrock Music All Rights Reserved
7.
I once loved a woman I once called her mine But she loved her whiskey And cocaine and wine She went to parties upside down Dressing to undress the crowd Oh but if angels could fly so high She might still be mine I once loved a woman I once called her mine But she loved her whiskey And cocaine and wine Sunshine and honey they had their time when wandering eyes received a smile But for the will of one broken guy She might still be mine I once loved a woman I once called her mine But she loved her whiskey And cocaine and wine A wanton woman of both sorrow and spice That persistent friction that sculpted her life I once loved a woman I once called her mine But she loved her whiskey And cocaine and wine The stress of the battle that she held within Heavenly light against a dark vim Oh if the river hadn’t run so wild She might still be mine I once loved a woman I once called her mine But she loved her whiskey And cocaine and wine Words & Music by John Banrock Copyright © 2020 Banrock Music All Rights Reserved
8.
It’s so lonely in Manhattan Guess I wasn’t born to fit in Thousand people on the subway Curvy women sweet as honey Dodge my eyes as they rub me But nothing makes them want to love me It’s so lonely in Manhattan Guess I wasn’t born to fit in Million people stressed and lonely Getting laid even if they’re homely I got some money and I’m funny But no one wants to wanna fuck me It’s so lonely in Manhattan Guess I wasn’t born to fit in On a journey through the grasslands Stables, zoo and happy trash men Can’t meet eyes without a dagger The city life hijacked my swagger It’s so lonely in Manhattan Guess I wasn’t born to fit in Concrete buildings scrape the skyline I’m just a shadow on the highline The homeless man who’s got the passion Conjures love from all who pass him It’s so lonely in Manhattan Guess I wasn’t born to fit in Perhaps it’s time to toss the apple Trade it for the land of scrapple Say farewell to all who knew me Just a slimy landlord and his fuckin’ stoolie It’s so lonely in Manhattan Even with a pot to shit in It’s so lonely It’s so lonely It’s so lonely It’s so lonely It’s so lonely in Manhattan Words & Music by John Banrock Copyright © 2020 Banrock Music All Rights Reserved
9.
You hanged love as though it murdered your father Despite forgiveness from the valentine of death Beside wrinkles worn from pain you only saw shadows Then joy that followed felt hollow yet strong Semblance of stupor crippled the future Then it was London and blackness and riches Your story was whispered by strangers and wisemen Searching the world was the long way ‘round The answers shared your journey and returned with your blindness Death sought an answer, life sought a breather Courage was lonely, but courage was wise Courage was courage Courage defines you, courage defines you Raindrop of sorrow Sunshine of sorrow The cold wind rustles up the leaves where you once lived Words & Music by John Banrock Copyright © 2020 Banrock Music All Rights Reserved

credits

released November 18, 2023

All Songs Written, Performed, Produced, Arranged, Recorded, Mixed and Mastered by John Banrock
Alesis Micron synthesizer provided courtesy of "Baby" John Tiglias
Album Design and Photography by John Banrock

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